The Legend of Half Hangit Maggie

I happened upon the tale of Half Hangit Maggie while visiting the city of Edinburgh, Scottland. I had entered Maggie Dickson’s Pub, just looking for a good pint and maybe something to eat. One of the drinks on the menu was called Half Hangit Maggie, and on the back side of the menu was the tale of how Margret Dickson had come to be known as Half Hangit Maggie.

I remembered the tale the other week, and in my research I found that there are several versions of this legend. I have taken the story, written my own version, and have herein recorded it. I hope you enjoy.

A Tale of Courtly Romance

Welcome to Etcha. I’m Ben, and today we are going to answer the question, “How can you tell if you are in a courtly romance?”

Here is how I imagined things went in the twelfth century: between the arduous duties of counting coppers, attending tournaments, waging wars, and beheading criminals, the Lords and Ladies and other various courtiers would lounge about their court regaling each other with tales of love, romance, danger, and daring. And among these esteemed storytellers was a woman named Marie de France, the first woman of her time to have written successfully in the vernacular.

Now who exactly Marie de France was is up for debate. Was she Marie, the eighth Norman child of Waleran de Muelan? Marie, abbess of Shaftsbury? Mary, abbess of Reading?

Whomever she was, this woman brought us one of the most esteemed collections of courtly romances of the early Medieval ages, The Lais of Marie de France.

Twelve stories grace this collection, but what better story to answer our question of Courtly Love than the story of a knight in King Arthur’s court?

To hear the story of Lanval, click the link above.

Dream State ft. Continuum: A poem after Jorie Graham

Continuum

After Jorie Graham

 

Mid-slumber. Dream of. I want you mimes my dream. Want me, want

you. I stare out. Want the coupling of us

mimes the fragile waters, technicolor blue, dry. Plus

the merging, which tends to separate more than it couples.

Plus, in the mirrors, the reflection of you, vivisecting in and down,

infinitely,

or so it seems, glass roads on silvered skies, & mighty pictures of ideas slither so quickly

down the spinal chord into and through

to fingers free—

& you ask me to dance alongside your sparkling tune, & curves so graceful I want to die,

but can’t emerge until

the rising sssss…

but no orb glares on this horizon, just clashing waves of grey and brown,

that sometimes cover sepia islands burst forth mind lava

from memories cut and dried and rearranged—candy

cottony solids—from the forth dimensional fields between

synapses—

They fry, not fire, but fry in the dancing flames of ice that lick my meta-subconscious

where I squeeze between poriferous volumes

& glean spotty words that split into halved pictures of time previous,

of have not beens

which live inexorably between the grey&illustrious mind     

cubicles of daily reality

conglomerated in conjunction with fantasy&fiction

&science&fiction pulp soup compressed into pages where soot&fat

boil together; I flip them—each one an author’s mind sliced

—slide under microscope—

I look up. As I sit on sprouts of dust, the mood rabbit

trounces—away

I follow.

It’s green—blue—white

down the starry tunnel

into a sea of flesh eating eels where princesses are eaten daily, but I’m not a princess.

Teeth dissolve,

& you are there,

periwinkle blue flowers spotting summer dress over solar bronzed wheat,

chocolate curlicues,

manna flesh from heaven,

my skin, my eyes, my flesh, tastes all that you feel like, smells all that you sound like in the drowning summer air in a field of wildflowers

so vivid I could think them—

head down, soft lap of periwinkle blue,

fingers velvet,

dewy lips—aural sensation—slide along neck, shiver, smile, blink,

& awake to

a dream-washed face,

night curtain curls that fall askew over moon-kissed brow and star-singed cheeks,

around which the sun peeks.

& you, brown-eyed dream, lip-mime,

I want you; want me.

Ben Mattice ©湥 2009

Roswell Alien Fish Prank

It was a dark and stormy afternoon. Agent Clauson wasn’t in a mood to gamble. He went straight up to the first witness and asked, “have you had any fish in the last month?” http://youtu.be/-DmA1eE2VWA

 

Click on the Agent. He will lead the way to the video.

Xeno Protection Agency

 

Look real, don’t it?

Today I’m going to try something new. I’m going to go down to the UFO Museum in Roswell, NM and convince some tourists that I’m a special agent with the XPA. I shall inform them of abductions in the area, inform them that each abduction had to do with a creature that ate fish, and then ask them if they ate any fish in the last month. I will then go on to explain that the mercury is in fact very precious on such and such a planet and that such and such a race is suspected of abducting anyone with mercury in their system. Anyway, once I’ve shot and edited the video, I will post the link here. In the meantime enjoy the fake ID I created and feel free to check out my YouTube Channel “Etcha”: https://www.youtube.com/user/humanetcha

Stupid Gag Reel Astounds World

Bam!

In a world where every mistake you make is on YouTube, everything at which you fail has the familiar tinkle of a laugh track, and every trip and fall can be replayed over and over and over again, there is a man who has the gall to stand up and throw it all in your face. And his name is Ben the Man from Etcha. He grew up on the banks of Lake Michigan, skipping stones all the way to Chicago and never imagined he would end up at the far side of the internet. Now he must make a name for himself in an original production from the folks who brought you “Etcha Episode 1: Welcome to Etcha” and “What is Vlogging? A Mild Parody.” Here is: “Stupid Gag Reel Astounds World“

Quantumly Entangled Cupboards only on Etcha

Just another day in Roswell for the Human Etch-A-Sketch. I’m starting to lose my voice, so no vblog today. Instead I give you my latest episode on Etcha. Tell me what you think.

What is Vlogging: a Mild Parody: http://youtu.be/UQpPFcn9xEM

What is Vlogging? A Mild Parody

If you were ever curious as to what vlogging was really about, or just need a refresher course in the basics, or just want to be entertained, or you’re just bored, or whatever, watch my new episode on Etcha. You won’t be disappointed. 

 

Click on the poop eating kid to watch the episode.

Also, it is very important that you subscribe to my channel on Youtube. Subscriptions are more important than views, as some of you might know. 

 

And if you didn’t click on the photo above here’s the link: http://youtu.be/UQpPFcn9xEM

Destroying Barney

When I was kid my mom owned an aerobics studio. In that aerobics studio was a little nursery for the children of the women working out, and among the various Disney films showing on the little black and white television (yes, there were still black and white tvs when I was a kid) there was Barney. I hated Barney, and being subjected to him for hours a day is a special kind of torture. Here in this vlog I work out the aggression that came from those days.

Click on the VHS to see me destroy Barney.

 

Birthday Thanks

A quick thank you to all who made my birthday awesome.

Click on my face. I promise I won’t bite.